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[Jan. 25th, 2006|08:09 am] |
The Abercrombie Boy saw my new myspace pic and said "Nooo, I'm not thinking dirty thoughts," then I messaged him about how we have not had a good cuddle in a while and he messaged me back asking if I lost weight.
I know I'm supposed to be a FEMINIST and be annoyed that it even matters, but, of course it matters. Of course he'd like me more if I were skinnier. I don't know what I'll say, because I HAVE lost weight, but right now I'm just at what my old 'normal weight' used to be. I need to be thinner. Then maybe I'll see him. I can't wait to feel his hands running over my hipbones when they are more jutting.
I have my starbucks interview today. Coffee forever! : ) Coffee without cigarettes forever! How weird. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2006|01:50 am] |
wow, alchohol sure does hit you faster when you're living off of less than a hundred calories.
a drink and a half later, miss 6 shots a night was drunk.
go-go-dancers at a lesbian club are the ultimate thinspiration, and stealer of money. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 2nd, 2004|10:52 am] |
Pulled out my old running shoes.
Ran. Walked. My body is good, my lungs are shot. I was surprised with how much I was able to do.
God bless iPods and fat anoretics.
I feel a lot better about my recent failures.
New Rule: I'm not allowed to weigh myself until I've run for three days in a week. If I don't run three days of a week, I don't get to weigh myself until the next week. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 2nd, 2004|10:03 am] |
Not doing so well food wise.
But today is a new day.
Fresh start.
I'm going to start doing a food diary again, keep myself accountable. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2004|08:54 am] |
Did end up eating with the boy, but it was such a great night I just can't regret it. Lost in Translation is good thinspiration, with that chick and her tiny legs sitting in the windowsill, mmhmm. The Indian food filled up my belly nicely.
Later when we were having a cuddle he goes "where's your belly" and was looking for me under the covers and I'm like "it'll be gone soon!" and he said "noooo, it's perfect, so cute". Right. Bleck.
He doesn't have a computer so at my house he checked his e-mail and livejournal, and this morning when I got on he was still logged into them both. I logged out of the e-mail quickfastinahurry, because I am not that kind of girl. But Livejournal...ooooh, I couldn't resist.
There's this girl, who kisses him on the cheek and tries to make out with him and makes moony eyes at him and yesterday LICKED HIS FACE. So I checked out her friend's only entries. One was about her boyfriend, and how she feels like he doens't even care about her anymore. Um. ... Yep, that's a no response necessary.
So I private-d all my old entries because as somone so candidly pointed out, it's a new day and a new month. Fresh start.
Weighed myself this morning, 121. Relief! I want to be 110 by Christmas. Yesterday I casually dropped to my therapist that I've been cutting back on soda and am thinking about starting to do Tae Bo. Besides the initial reactions at the 9 pound mark, no one in my family has noticed that I've dropped 15 pounds. But I think she'll notice when I've lost 26.
The bookstore is giving me more hours but less days which means I'm at home more : / I really don't know what I'm going to do with myself when school is out because I'll just have two jobs which are only like, 30ish hours a week, and no school. Maybe I'll ask for more hours? Seriously I just can't be at home that much, the kitchen will drive me nuts.
I bought two pairs of giant sunglasses the other day. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2004|11:53 am] |
dreamt my scale said 129. Wanted to weigh myself this morning. Didn't. My cordoroys which used to be snug and then were so baggy are snugger. Not as much as they were in the begining but more than they were at my best.
I just need to buckle down and get serious.
I exercised a little last night. Felt a little better.
But why is this so hard?
110. 110. 110.
That needs to be my priority, my main goal. Maybe I'll tell HIM I'm not hungry?
Every Tuesday I tell my friends that I eat lunch with my mom before my therapy appointment. And when I'm with my mom, before my therapy appointment, I tell her I ate lunch with my friends. So, maybe I'll tell him that my mom and I didn't eat until AFTER my appointment, so I'm not hungry.
I love the idea of Indian food and Lost in Translation in Bed.
But I need to get my fucking act together. |
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anorexic_grrrl's journal